Edited in the light of day...
I am writing this at 2 am. A time when my brain and my fingers don't always work well together...but I have things to say. I have been slacking on my blog the past few months because I was too, way too, conscious of my audience. I didn't start out that way...it started as a writer's notebook. My thoughts and observations... and too bad if you didn't appreciate them.
Over the course of cancer, I turned inward and worried too much about what people thought. Was I too harsh? Too easy? Not empathetic enough? It immobilized me.
Writing is therapy for me so if you don't like what I write, don't read it. I write for myself.
In the course of being diagnosed and treated for cancer with a multitude of nasty toxic chemicals and radiation, I have experienced long-term side effects including cognitive problems ( I mean to do something but it takes a long time.), fatigue (three hour naps), lack of motivation, forgetfulness, problems with multi-tasking and problems-solving...and the list goes on. It does not end when the treatment ends. Sadly. So many people think then the treatment ends, the effects end. It's not over.
I have been reading about the long-term effects of cancer treatment. They are varied and long-lasting. This is my new normal as they say.
I have found ways to cope. I love my Livestrong group. I have found wonderful and supportive friends. I know I need a nap or a rest period every afternoon. I have therapy. I exercise. I eat as healthy as I possibly can. I practice yoga and meditation and mindfulness.
But sometimes I still go crazy. It's just the way it is. I drink wine. I have a beer. I ask to go out for dinner. I read a lot. I write continuously. That's how I figure things out.
And so life goes on. I am looking forward to the graduation of the next Livestrong group for which I have volunteered. They are a wonderful group of optimistic and brave folks. We are having an alumni group meeting and I have a couple members of the Blue Ox Jazz Babies who will lead our parade as we celebrate life. I have met many new friends. Cancer has afforded me many opportunities...and life goes on. Celebrate it. Every day.
P.S. I borrowed the subject line from my friend, Michele. It's a title she is thinking of using for her yoga class. I love it!