Saturday, June 14, 2014

down and dirty

Since I was diagnosed with cancer, my world has been askew.

I worry about living and dying.

I can't concentrate.

I can focus on one thing at a time.

 I feel malformed.

I don't know if this will pop up in my bones? Bone Cancer?

I walked the survivor's lap last night but I don't feel like a survivor.

I felt like a fraud. I haven't survived.

I am terrified.

What if my future is metastisis and hospice?

I want to live to be 100+.

Karen, let's get together on a tropical island and drink margaritas.

I love my life. I do not want to die young.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe it would be better to concentrate on today. None of has a lock on living to be 100. You could be killed by a car tomorrow and it would be a shame if your last thought was, "And I was worried about the cancer?" The date you are destined to die is already carved on a wall somewhere. You can't do anything to alter it, so enjoy the years, days, or minutes you have remaining.

Anonymous said...

I agree with anonymous. Everyone's life is uncertain. Why do little children die? It sounds as though you enjoy life. Keep on what you are doing and remember you add a lot of beauty to this world just by being here.

Anonymous said...

Oh Teresa, you have written my thoughts exactly. These thoughts ricochet around my head too, no matter how hard I work to banish them. It's not a constant thing. I, too, have a full life with loved ones all around and work that is not really work because I enjoy it so much. I have a garden and koi pond that I sit near with my morning coffee. I'm 2 years out, and have hair! Energy! Life is good! ...and yet.... I know it sounds like such a cliche, but all we can do is wake up every day grateful to be alive, and to put our love out there in the world. Jeanie