This is our weather forecast for the next four days. Unpleasant because we have already had several days of booming thunderstorms and heavy rain. Last night we had some nickel size hail that didn't seem to do any damage.
It's dark and cloudy this morning and the feeders are full of birds, many of them young ones. Grackles, robins, doves. Cardinals and orioles seem to keep their babies at home for a long time.
I feel better than I did a few days ago but I still don't feel right somehow. Anxious? Yes. Filled with dread? No. Somewhere between the two...on the freak-out continuum. I just wanted to get my real life back. I didn't want to spend another week waiting for a damn test and its results. Crap. Shit.
I don't ever think "why me?". I know this shit is random and I know that many people deal with far worse things than this. I know I shouldn't worry about the future and I know that I should live every day to the fullest. I know that in my head but I'm having trouble getting that to transfer to my heart.
Sigh. PET scan Tuesday. Shit.
I'm tired of thinking about this. Tired. And bored. And this morning I have a shitty attitude about it all. When I talked to Judy the other day, she said cancer is part of my experience now and I have to find a way to integrate into my life. It doesn't have to be the focus but it won't go away. I wonder how to do that.
Maybe I need to bring out the whoop ass again. Yes, that's it.
So the whoop ass for today is:
- Bacon and eggs for breakfast
- Bake a loaf of bread
- Take a nap
- Read my book
- Go to the comedy show tonight
If you have any unused whoop ass sitting around at your house, let me know. I'll pick it up.