Saturday, May 11, 2013

to my friend karen, tc xoxoxo

During a sleepless period in the middle of the night, I woke to read my Kindle. I don't usually check my email during the dark hours, but I did for some reason. When I started reading your comment and your sad news about Hugh, I sat right up in bed and turned on the light. Please don't apologize for writing it and I certainly won't remove it. I treasure our connection and your words, as always.

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet companion, Hugh. I can't imagine the terrible sense of absence. Just yesterday, I wondered that I hadn't heard from you in a while and told Regis that I was going to check the comments and see how long it had been. I loved reading how you and Hugh would laugh yourselves stupid over some goofy story I told. I liked to picture you at the end of the day, reading my blog together. That was yesterday...and then I get your sad news.

I'm going to savor your comments as I'm glad to have you affirm what I have learned as I've gotten older: There is joy and contentment in ordinary things once we learn how to look for it. Yesterday, after radiation, we bought ice cream, had lunch with my brother and his wife (I just ate the rest of my pastrami and pepperjack cheese sandwich for breakfast!), had a glass of wine on the patio with a good friend and some neighbors, cooked steaks with our son down the street, and enjoyed the end of a bird and sunshine filled day. No need for anything more.

How will you go on without Hugh, Karen? How do you get used to being lonely after having a marriage like you had? Is there any way to be prepared for this? Is there anything I can do to help?

Please keep in touch with me. I would gladly give you my phone number or address so we could communicate in a less public manner. Ours is one of those relationships that started on the internet but feels more like an old friendship now.

I'll be thinking about you in the dark and difficult days ahead. Let me know how you are doing. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Sending light and love in friendship, Teresa


tccomments2013 said...

oh, teresa,

i had hoped from the first blog post i ever read on your site that we would have a connection that could blossom into true friendship. and it did! and it has made me feel so very grateful and happy.

thank you with all my heart for the special post you wrote to me. it touches me beyond words. the lonliness, grief and shock of losing hugh is sometimes unbearable, but knowing you are thinking of me is such a comfort. and reading your blog posts each day fills me with hope and makes me so happy that you have regis, gus, your mom, kids and grandkids, and all your wonderful friends to be with and enjoy with those lovely simple pleasures of sharing, observing nature. i have many interests - i love to read, garden, i am a painter, and i, too, revere the natural world. how do i go on without hugh? all i can think of is that by keeping those things alive and believing they are all worthwhile - along with tremendous support from family and friends, like you, my dear friend - i pay tribute to my love by trying my hardest to do what he wanted to do - TO LIVE.

when you read my comments, are you able to see my e-mail address? can you tell i am not within an iota of being tech savvy? anyway, if you do see it, maybe you can send me an e-mail, then i'll have yours, and we can correspond. also, our closest friends of 47 years live in edina. one day i would love to fly out to see them, so maybe you and i would have a chance to meet in person. oh, gosh, does that prospect ever make me smile!

i will try to hold onto happy things to look forward to. i need to have those buffers ready for all the firsts without hugh that just keep coming. i do not understand how my eyes can make so many tears; when i had to sign mothers' day cards with just my name, or when i went with my sister to hugh's and my favorite diner yesterday, and when foolish thoughts cross my mind - like last night when i went to turn my cell phone off and thought maybe i should keep it on, he might call.

well, i better stop, i am exhausted and tomorrow i want to make the day a nice one for my sister and my daughter-in-law, both of whom i adore.

have a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, teresa, and tell your dear mum happy mothers' day from me. tell her i say she has a beautiful daughter with a beautiful heart.



grandma Saum said...

Karen, may I tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I try to be grateful for the things I have and I try very hard to remember to be grateful that my husband did not have to spend years in a nursing home not knowing his family or anyone else. It sounds as though you and your Hugh had a wonderful life together. Your sorrow will ease with time, but please know others share your sorrow at this sad time in your life. Teresa is my rock and I have three sons who are very good to their Mom. Sincerely, Shirley Saum

tccomments2013 said...

oh, shirley - is it okay if i call you that? your name is precious to me - it is my sweet mother's name, too!

thank you so very much for your kind words, and thank you for giving us your darling teresa,such a special woman who has graced all of us with her wisdom, her wit, and her incredible outlook on life. she always gives you credit for what you taught her, as well she should, and i love that you and she are so close and enjoy each other so much.

gratitude is really something, isn't it? when we hold thankfulness in our hearts, then live and breath it in our lives, we get this tremendous gift that just brings so much light onto all the good of life and people and the natural world.

i hope you had a happy mothers' day. three sons and a daughter who are very good to you - how could you not?!

love, XOXO,