Thursday, February 28, 2013

transition

I don't know if I slept too much yesterday or if the evil forces in the universe were keeping me awake but I didn't sleep worth a damn last night. I think I was awake every hour, once retreating to the couch with a pillow and blanket. It ought to be a long day.

Ella was here for a while before school which was a nice start to the day. She and PopPop went off to school just now. She's going sledding for PE today and was excited about that. We didn't go sledding in PE when I was a child but maybe the places where I went to school were too flat. Distinct possibility that.

Peter is coming for a homemade breakfast at ten o'clock but suddenly I feel time compressing so we may have to go out for pancakes instead. I have a chemo appointment at 12:30...and dishes to do, groceries to put away, and a shower. Simple things feel overwhelming today.

Yesterday I packed up all my little dishes that were on the shelf in the living room. I wanted to dust there and they were cluttering things up one of which was my mind. They can live in boxes in the closet for a few months.

I went through my winter clothes and took my black and gray wooly things to the basement. There comes a point in the year, after months of winter colors and textures, that I can't stand it anymore. I need a crisp white shirt and a swirly skirt even if we still have snow on the ground. I'm hungry for sun and for sandals.

In my mind I have paired radiation with gardening. About the time the radiation treatments start, it will be time to get in the dirt. I'm thinking that every day of treatment, I will reward myself with some planting. I hope it works out that way.

My garden has been neglected for a few years so I have some changes in mind. I want to steal some bricks from a neighbor (not really steal) and make a small wall or walk. I want to get rid of or move some the rangy sun loving plants that aren't thriving in the shade. I want to plant lots of shade loving annual flowers...impatiens and begonias. My favorite veronica, choking on all the shade, is moving to the sunny end of the patio.

My neighbor down the street has a huge flower garden and she said I could bring my wagon down and we would split some of her plants. Jill gave me some hostas a few years ago that are too pretty to be in the side yard so I'll move them to the front garden.

I think I'll ask Peter to come and help me dig. I can bribe him with grilled steak and cold beer.

On to the rest of the day. Be hopeful about spring!

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