Monday, November 05, 2012

impending sense of doom

One night, several years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible pain between my shoulder blades. I got out of bed to check my symptoms on the internet, as any modern woman would do, and found that pain between the shoulder blades, and an impending sense of doom, are common symptoms of heart attack in females. Whoa. I didn't have an impending sense of doom until I read that. I had Regis get out of bed and take me to the ER. Turns out I had a bad case of heart burn.

I get that impending sense of doom sometimes and I don't know if it's a true feeling about the future or just a hidden anxiety poking its head out of the closet. Dusting itself off, turning on its faint light, and stalking me in the predawn hours. When I have insomnia, I'm never sure if I am awake because I'm anxious or if I'm anxious because I'm awake. Usually the latter. What else are you going to do at 2 am except watch the gray-faced men march around the bed?

Regis has had trouble sleeping lately. We know this is a side effect of his knee replacement surgery so we aren't too concerned but it gets tiresome. He moves from the bed to the couch several times throughout the night. I get up at 4:30 to sit quietly in front of the fireplace and read. He comes out to sleep on the couch and I move so the lights don't disturb him. We're like two cats slouching around the darkened house.

I can hear him out there now so I know he still isn't comfortable.

Yesterday, I packed up all the Halloween decorations and set out some Thanksgiving and fall things. I love holidays. Not only did I pack up the Halloween stuff but I hauled the three tubs to the basement and put them back where they belong. A miracle. My tendency is to let them sit in a stack by the back door for weeks. Hurray for me.

I took Gus out to the back yard about 5 this morning and there is a misty rain with a heavy cloud cover. Oh, lovely. A day like they have on the moops...perfect for the impending sense of doom.

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