Friday, January 02, 2009

our vices

Regis got a package in the mail today that contained a jawbone. I wrote about this gadget a while back after we had been to the cell phone store. It's the military technology cell phone ear thing. Good for a man who never leaves the house. I can't complain too much because a couple hours later, I got my very own copy of the book The Oxford Project in the mail. I hid it behind the chair.

I have been grossly slothful today although I did go swimming at 5:30 this morning. They apparently turned off the water heaters at the high school because the showers are like ice and the pool has been gradually getting colder. It's like going into a hypothermic state and it takes me all day to warm up and start moving. Similar to hibernating squirrels except I don't have fur and squirrels don't swim. Otherwise similar.

I made bread and roasted a chicken for dinner. Regis laughed. I don't think a man whose wife makes bread from scratch and roasts a whole chicken ought to scoff at the menu. Harrumph. He wasn't really giving me a hard time but it makes a better story to say he was.

Peter took his ipod to Mankato, dropped it on the ice outside of Subway, and came back ten hours later to find it laying there unharmed. I asked him if, before he picked it up, he leaned down to listen to the music coming out of the little headphones. I crack myself up.

Bob brought us some more traction grit this afternoon. The forecast is for more snow or ice tomorrow and high winds, my favorite weather event. The things in the picture are called Yaktrax Walkers and they seem like a good idea but with my luck, I'd fall down and stab myself in the hinder with them. This has been a long winter already and it's only the first week of January. If you're in California reading this: Don't move here.

I'm going to watch the Frost/Nixon interview tonight. I bought it on amazon because the wait was very long at netflix and I was impatient. (Yes, with internet shopping you can go broke and never leave the house.) I'm fascinated with Nixon...and it strikes me like the dude from know the one I mean. I'm not writing his name in my blog because you have to know the CIA or FBI are all over him. I am not a valid source of news.

I don't really enjoy the stuff that circulates on the internet and I never send it on, but this one struck me as being very funny. Maybe it's our streak of unfortunate circumstances in the last few weeks. These are simple home remedies:
  • Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
  • Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
  • For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
  • A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  • If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.
  • You only need two tools in life - WD-40 an d Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
  • Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.


Anonymous said...

I love the advice, and I plan to carry a copy of the list wherever I go. Disclaimer: I have a bad cough lately and so if I try the laxative remedy and it doesn't work, blame Teresa.

I'm so glad you have the photo book, which I absolutely love and have been engrossed in for the last couple of days, thanks to you.

Anonymous said...

One more thing... Charlie and Angie have the Yaktrax Walkers, or whatever the running version is. They swear by them. Or maybe Charlie said they swear because they still slip and fall down while wearing them. In any case, it's an interesting concept.