Tuesday, September 30, 2008


I have been neglecting my blog. I think I'm getting my writing (and soul-baring) needs met with my MC journals. It's consuming.

My therapist (cringe factor, sorry) says morbid obesity is a physiological disease process meaning that your body sort of betrays you and it's not as simple as calories in and energy out. Ugh. We talked about shame today. She says I should try being more honest about how painful this has been for me all of my life. It's hard....she says it's like the elephant in the room. I've tried everything: comedy, avoidance, denial... to deal with it. I have two assignments for next week: to think about the self-talk I do when I'm fearful of failure and to think about the things I believe that have no basis in fact. Like everyone who exercises loves it. I guess that's not true.

Ah, life sucks sometimes but we go on and put one foot in front of the other.
And if you thought it was all silver saddles and Sunday parades, get back into fiction. Johnny Bush used to come into Brannigan's on Sunday afternoons and he said that. At least the part about the silver saddles and Sunday parades.

So of course, being more open and honest, for me, means writing about it before I can talk about it. I can put it here for who-knows-who to read but I can't put it into real words with people I see in person.

We went to a retirement gig for one of my favorite school district pals today. Some people retire and you don't really think about them again until you see them at the thrift store but this guy, I will miss. A woman at our table had a card for Tom so I asked her if there was a fifty dollar bill in it because if there was, I would remember that when I retire. Fair's fair.

I've only been mildly interested in the economic bail-out and the stock market. Mostly because I am completely ignorant about money. Regis heard yesterday that he gets some amount of money from a life insurance policy his dad had through the steel worker's union and that same day he cracked a tooth, had it pulled in a two-hour ordeal, and finds out that it costs the same amount of money to fix the empty spot where the tooth was. You have to appreciate the irony in that but it's economics and it sucks.

I'm trying to watch a baseball game. You probably know the one. It's like math to me which is pretty much random: guys running around and once in a while someone scores and in the end, there's a winner and a loser. That's it. Like life.

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